I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I didn't notice because vodka
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
