i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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