Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He shit in the fireplace
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
