he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
