The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
