My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Randomize
