Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
