Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
