If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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