i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
