cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
