I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
