So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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