My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
