opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
