I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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