just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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