That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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