fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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