things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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