oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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