I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
