This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We left the knife in your bed.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
