His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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