Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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