Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
