you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
