It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This baby is an asshole
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize