hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
