would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
