I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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