yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
