So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
