I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
