I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i believe in u and ur pee
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
