We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The uberlube is also flammable
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
