Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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