He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
