if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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