Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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