Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
