just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
send nudes
from the living room?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
