70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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