Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
