it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
