The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
