So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
third nipple confirmed
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
