I feel like I'm in dance class right now
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
