dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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