the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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