my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
