You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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