I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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