I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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