i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
