Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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