Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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