You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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