I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
