Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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