Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
