you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
