Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
