PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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