I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
