I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
