shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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