Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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