First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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